hailyeah

Two summers ago I was one of the fittest people you could ever meet. I was about 5′4″ and weighed no more than 110 pounds. Monday-Saturday I woke up at 6:30 (!!! In the summer…I was 16!!! lol) and met my friend at the bike trail by my gym. We’d run 3 miles then turn around and come back…it took us a little more than 40 minutes. We’d get back to the gym (gymnastics gym that is) and just collapse on the floor for twenty minutes before practice started. Four and a half hours later I was dripping with sweat and my muscles felt like jello….I didn’t notice until the end of practice though because gymnastics is sooooo fun!!!! After that I’d go to the pool for a while then Monday-Thursday I had a 3 hour practice with my competetive cheer team. Don’t think that cheerleading isn’t hard! 1/3 of every practice was conditioning/flexibility, 1/3 was tumbling, and the last 1/3 was stunting…it’s all hard than we make it look! My body was great then…I could run forever, I did 5,000 sit ups one day just to prove I could, I could do 26 pull ups without stopping…even backflips and 180 degree leaps on a 4 inch beam.

Well by the end of the summer I was burnt out ( I had been training at this level for at least 6 years). Gymnastics became frusterating as recovering from broken bones in my foot and wrist surgery was not going as well as planned,  I had daily screaming matches with one of my coaches ( anytime something wasn’t working out for me he said I was scared…..I am definately never scared ) , and I was 16- I could spend 30 hours a week in the gym! I needed a life! So I quit! It felt soooo good at first ( other than my mom crying like every week about everything I was just throwing away). I could stay out late and sleep in!!!

After about 3 months Irealized that gymnastics was my life and I absolutely loved it. I talked to my parents and they said there was no way I could go back, I had to live with the decision I made. After about 3 more months of begging and trying to prove myself to my parents they finally said I could start again. Of course you just can’t take 6 months off of gymnastics….I had lost everything! Losing strength, flexibility, and muscle memory wasn’t even the worst loss. I could no longer tolerate the pain of pounding wrists and ankles with about 3 times your weight, about 200 times a day. I finally called it quits for good. Everyday I wonder what my life would have been like if I just would have stuck it out that summer.  

So  I always get so excited at night about how I’m starting to lose weight, eat healthy, workout ect…… I promise myself everynight that tomorrow will be the day that I finally commit myself all day and reach all of my diet and exercise goals for that day, but the moment I wake up in the morning all I can think about is food. Obviously not the healthy kind! I just want to run downstairs and stuff my face with food….especially chocolate! I crave chocolate so much in the mornings gaaahhh it’s gross thinking about it really. Even if I do make it through breakfast without completely binging on horrible food, there’s no way I can make the entire day. Sometimes I feel like there’s something in me telling me that I really don’t want to lose weight…and believe me I do! I’ve stopped and started diets and exercise programs soooo many times…I don’t want that to happen again. How can I motivate myself more???

I’m having a hard time with this because I feel sooo self conscience writing this….to me it’s harder than talking face to face with people I know…..and I have a hard enough time with that! I’m way too shy and I’m constantly worried about what people are thinking about me…I think that’s one of the reasons why I want to lose weight.

Anyway… I just got back from about a 3 week long vacation in Florida…it was amazing…except for the eating out for EVERY meal and the waaaayyy too hot and humid running weather. I tried to choose healthy food but that’s so hard when you’re eating out….especially at the cheesecake factory :/. I did get a few morning runs in though, and I walked about 3 miles everyday…..I also did tons of swimming, so all in all I don’t think I completely sabotaged my weightloss.

Also I just read ( ok flipped through) a  book called Eat to Live. It basically promotes an all fruit and veggie diet and it has really motivated me to start eating better! Some of it seemed kind of extreme, but maybe extreme is what I need! Has anyone else read it??

So I just got done eating a Hershy’s bar ugh, then looked in the mirror ugh, and I’m thinking it’s time that I change….for real. I always say I’m gonna start eating better and I’m gonna start exercising more, but I never do and I’m hoping that buddyslim will be what FINALLY helps me commit….here I go!